And Now for Something Completely Unobjective: General Observations and Cool Shit in The Last Jedi

A gif of BB-8 speeding across Niima Outpost emblazoned with the lyrics "They see me rollin', they hatin'"

Here’s where the actual serious discussions about The Last Jedi end and the mindless shitposting begins. You’ve been warned.

Super Cool Things That Happened

  • The Dreadnought fight setpiece in the opening. Holy hell. I was clutching my face in glee the entire time.
  • When Kylo Ren and Rey are fighting back-to-back while summarily dispatching Snoke’s guards!!!!! Teamwork makes the dream work, y’all.
    • On a related note, the laser weapons in this movie ascended to a new level of coolness. All of the different weapons used by Snoke’s guards and those laser axes wielded by Phasma’s grunts were just so friggin’ dope.
  • Holdo turning the Resistance cruiser around and jumping to lightspeed straight into the Star Destroyer oh my god. Everyone in the theater was murmuring something akin to “holy shit” to themselves when that happened.
    • The visual and sound effects for that sequence were amazing, by the way. The complete absence of sound was so powerful, and those black-and-white smash cuts sort of reminded me of the way explosions are depicted in manga.
  • Hux getting Force-tossed and Force-choked a whole bunch
  • Leia tapping into the Force at the last possible second, like her body had some sort of contingency plan and wasn’t ready to clock out of this world just yet. I really thought she was going to die and had already begun weeping in earnest, and then her fingers twitched!
    • Although I have to ask: How did she not immediately freeze to death in the vacuum of space? Do the basic principles of astrophysics not apply to this galaxy?
  • BB-8 getting stuffed full of coins by the Canto Bight casino patrons and later going all Scarface on the prison guards—so funny.
  • When the bridge door busts open during Poe’s mutiny and the smoke clears to reveal Leia. Poe is overjoyed to see her alive and well for just a brief moment before she stuns him with her phaser. Perfect. *kisses my fingers like an Italian chef*
  • Gwendoline Christie’s piercing blue eye scowling out of the crack in Phasma’s helmet before she falls into the fiery abyss.
  • Finn trying to sacrifice himself by steering his speeder into the battering ram cannon was a stupid idea, but it was pretty admirable of him.
  • Rey coming in hot on the Falcon and smoking the hell out of the TIE Fighters on Rose’s tail!!!
  • Luke’s wink at Threepio when he leaves the mine, and then the way he brushes off his shoulder after Kylo Ren has all of the AT-ATs fire their guns on him simultaneously… what a friggin’ badass.

General Observations

  • I 100% spent the entire fanfare, opening crawl, and Dreadnought battle squeeing at a pitch I’m sure only bats could register on their sonar.
  • I didn’t anticipate Lieutenant Connix (Billie Lourd, Carrie Fisher’s daughter) having so much screen time, but good for her. And I love her mini Leia buns. 🙁
  • It’s weird, but I think I only really have the hots for Adam Driver when he’s in costume as Kylo Ren. I mean, he’s really good-looking in real life, but there’s something about the wig and makeup (whatever they’re doing to his face to make him look younger, IDK—maybe it’s just the lack of facial hair?) and costume that just gets me.
  • BB-8 continues to be the best and cutest droid in the known universe. I wore my BB-8 “Join the Resistance” tank top to the theater last Saturday and it just made me really happy. I wish I had my own BB-8 to follow me around and make cute happy little beeps at me. :’)
  • It’s too bad Captain Phasma’s part is so small because Gwendoline Christie is fabulous and she’s been giving great interviews during the press tour.
  • Props to the hair and makeup team. Domhnall Gleeson’s eye bags and sickly pallor make him look 10,000x more sinister. Evil does make you ugly, after all.
  • I thought the editing was pretty good. Nice use of very pointed smash cuts, anyway. (e.g., Luke finding out Rey has the Millennium Falcon and asking, “Where’s Han?” Cut to a close-up of Kylo Ren. Good stuff.)
  • When Luke and Rey were in the giant tree temple thing and Luke says, “The last Jedi texts,” I couldn’t help but imagine what a group text between a bunch of Jedi would look like.
  • When Rose and Finn roll up to the casino in Canto Bight (aka Monte Carlo in space), I was just like, damn, all of these wretched hives of scum and villainy sure love calypso music and steel drums.
  • Nice use of familiar musical cues. Snoke mentions Kylo Ren coming into his birthright as a new Vader, which is followed by a slow, somber variation on the Imperial March. When Kylo Ren is internally conflicted over whether to blow up the bridge on the Resistance cruiser and he and Leia feel each other through the Force, the Princess Leia theme plays. And I’m pretty sure I heard the Han/Leia love theme when Luke gave her Han’s dice from the Falcon and kissed her on the forehead.
  • Poe Dameron has some seriously strong plot armor considering he survived Kylo Ren blowing up the Resistance cruiser’s hangar.
  • I thought Benicio del Toro’s character (DJ, whose name is never actually mentioned in the movie—a thing that happens all the time in the Star Wars universe and drives me up the wall) was super interesting and am curious to see how he’ll play into Episode IX. Also, that was a damn good stutter.
  • All I could think about when Snoke Force-pulled Rey to his throne and tenderly cupped her face as he explained how he planned to murder her was how awful his breath must have smelled. Ugh.
  • Follow-up: That close-up shot of his nasty-ass corpse and the gross expression on his face was so unnecessary. Ew. Also, what’s up with the gold lamé robe and pointy-toed slide-on mules?
  • Kylo Ren’s “are you fucking kidding me right now?” expression when Hux repeats the instructions that Kylo had literally just given totally cracked me up. I’m sure this power struggle will be a major conflict in Episode IX.
  • Leia is remarkably chill about Luke becoming one with the Force, but I guess it’s because she and Rey both sensed that he was at peace and felt that he had served his purpose—helping the Resistance live to fight another day.
  • I didn’t have many complaints about the movie, but I will say that occasionally the language and humor felt a little too modern or goofy and sort of took me out of the world a bit. (In particular, Poe’s “your mom” joke to Hux at the beginning and his crack about the “big-ass door” fortifying the entrance to the mine during the final showdown, as well as the bit with Luke telling Rey to reach out with the Force and Rey sticking out her arm in response. 🙄)
  • I was so overwhelmed when the credits finally rolled that I dropped the rest of my Reese’s miniatures when I stood up to put on my coat and I didn’t realize it until I was halfway home.

Notable Quotes

  • Phasma: “You were always scum.”
    Finn: “Yeah. Rebel scum.”
    OICWYDT!!!
  • Hux: “Do you think you got him?” in that icy, sarcastic tone after Kylo Ren fires all the guns at Luke
  • Rey: “Do you have something—a cowl or something you can put on???”
    Those high-waisted pants… yikes. The “Kylo Ren is swol” meme sure sprang up quickly, though.
  • Leia: “I can’t take any more losses.”
    Holdo: “Sure you can. You taught me how.”
    In hindsight, this has kind of a double meaning because Laura Dern has been a lifelong Star Wars fan and I imagine acting alongside Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia/General Organa was a dream come true.
  • Poe: “Tell General Hux I have a message… from his mother.”
    I CAN’T W/U RN POE DAMERON. That whole trolly stalling tactic was hilarious (if slightly too “real world” for my taste).
  • Leia: “Poe, get your head out of your cockpit!”
    That did not go where I was expecting it to.
  • This isn’t really a quote so much as R2D2 beeping aggressively at Luke and guilt-tripping him with the “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi—you’re my only hope” hologram of Leia from Ep. IV.
  • Holdo: “The downtrodden and oppressed know our symbol.”
    Nicely lampshades the ending with the children on Canto Bight and Rose’s ring.
  • Rose: “These are the worst people in the galaxy. […] I wish I could put my fist through this lousy, beautiful town.”
    Sounds like something Holden Caulfield would say. Only thing it’s missing is a screed about “god dam phonies.”
  • Finn: “Oh. It’s not your ship. You stole it.”
    DJ: “Uh, we stole it.”
    BB-8 sounds SO AFFRONTED when DJ throws him under the bus. Bless you, Bill Hader and Ben Schwartz.
  • Snoke: “Where there was conflict I now sense resolve!”
    Yeah, but not the kind of resolve you think you sense… I guess Force-sensitive individuals can sense emotions but not intent?
  • Kylo Ren: “You’re nothing. … But not to me.”
    Why did my stupid, traitorous heart skip a beat when this happened? Am I susceptible to negging? Help, all of my ideas about healthy relationships have been tarnished by a lifetime spent watching unrealistic media portrayals of love!
  • Captain Phasma: “You’re a bug in the system.”
    Finn: “Let’s go, Chromedome.”
    CHEESY BUT AWESOME.
  • Hux: “The supreme leader is dead!”
    Kylo Ren: *force chokes*
    Hux: “Long… live… the supreme… leader!”
  • Kylo Ren: “Blow that piece of junk out of the sky!”
    I enjoyed that little nod and I kind of love how angry it makes him to see his dad’s ship saving the day.
  • Rose: “That’s how we’re gonna win: Not fighting what we hate. Saving what we love.”
  • Kylo Ren: “I’ll destroy her!”
    Bitch, please. I think she’s the only person in this galaxy that you genuinely like and/or respect. U LOOOOOOVE HERRRRRRR. Whether the reverse can be said is up for debate.
  • Luke: “See you around, kid.”
    That is probably the best thing he could have said to piss Ren off, omg. Mark Hamill does a GREAT Harrison Ford impression. (And then Han’s dice disappear after Kylo Ren picks them up, which made him even angrier.)

Unimportant Things I’m Still Curious About

  1. The two stormtroopers that walked by when Kylo Ren got out of the elevator after getting dressed down by Snoke and smashing up his helmet—Prince William and Prince Harry?
  2. What is that creature that Luke milks and does the blue milk have anything to do with the term “blue milk run”?
  3. Is it a rule in the Jedi bylaws that you must grow a beard in order to become a Jedi Master? All of the apprentices are clean-shaven but all of the masters1 seem to have beards.
  4. Why is every main protagonist in Star Wars from a crappy desert planet in the Outer Rim? Is there something about dehydration that enhances Force sensitivity?
  5. Why does everyone gender droids?
  6. Does the First Order recruit only boys to be stormtroopers? Same question for the Empire, now that I think about it again.

notes

  1. Except Mace Windu, I guess, but Samuel L. Jackson can do whatever he wants—that’s how he got a purple lightsaber, anyway!

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